That’s a tough break. I can’t honestly understand why the circumstances you describe would be grounds for an argument, let alone a breakup. There must be some other underlying issue at play here. I hope everything works out the best for you.
That's a tough break. I can't honestly understand why the circumstances you describe would be grounds for an argument, let alone a breakup. There must be some other underlying issue at play here. I hope everything works out the best for you.My personal opinion is it's because of past relationships (ref: violence against women thread). She has come out of a long term abusive relationship and all she see's is warning signs. She see's me blaming everyone else for my "problems", for hiding from my problems when I try to assure her it's not a problem, for concealing things, for playing games and manipulating. I saw that side of her as something we could share, as I have been in an abusive relationship too and I thought we could heal together. But where I listened and tried to care when she had issues, she saw my issues as signs of deeper problems that she had to run from.
But that is my opinion, for whatever it is worth. None of this ■■■■ is simple. It was also long distance which means little things become big things because you can’t resolve them face to face.
In summary:
- You set up your ex with bloke at work
- Are transparent in your actions and have no ulterior or sinister motives
- Your girlfriend gets sh*tty
- Your boss gets sh*tty
- Bloke and ex get on well. Real well
- You’re pleased for them
- Girlfriend pops a valve, accuses you or all sorts of things
- You, now in bewildered state, suddenly single
On the surface the lesson here should be not to get involved in the personal affairs of others but the positive outcome between your ex and bloke from work may not have happened had you not intervened.
You did a good thing.
What makes no sense to me is why your GF would care so much about your relationship with your employer. And why would she think that you setting your employer up with your ex is a sign that you still have a thing for her? That is completely counterintuitive.
What makes no sense to me is why your GF would care so much about your relationship with your employer. And why would she think that you setting your employer up with your ex is a sign that you still have a thing for her? That is completely counterintuitive.When my employer was awkward and looking to avoid me on Monday she thinks my failure to do more to make him feel comfortable is because I am still attached to my ex. Thing is, I DID do all the things she says I should have. She just wouldn't believe me that I did.
I can’t think of a more sure sign that you are over someone than hooking them up with someone else!
chin up zebba!
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Jeeze the armchair psychology is stronger than ben doolan’s introverts cannot be forwards.
Quoted PostReally hope everything turns out well for you, sounds awful. A good result next week may make you feel a bit better, hang in thereThat's pretty rough Zebba :(Can't even look to family for support because they have their own issues. Worst week I've ever had.
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Bacchus mate did you force your opinions on them?
Who me ?
No, it was probably the cheating on them that had some effect! But I leaent my lesson after losing a few houses, cars, assorted possessions, pets and a few kids.
Girlfriend dumped me. Said I should have done more to support my employer and that me saying I've done enough is just me trying to hide from my failures. The "failure" in question was Monday morning when he came into work and couldn't look me in the eye after their first date Friday night (and it turns out second and third dates Saturday and Sunday). I had approached him, asked how he was and said he shouldn't avoid me, I was completely fine with whatever went on and he didn't have to feel weird. He had replied with "we're not having that conversation" so I thought "that's fine, I'll give him some space". The girlfriend thought I should have pushed harder telling him I was OK with it and not to feel awkward but I think I'd done enough.The following day he approached me and apologised and told me how happy he was and how thankful he was. My girlfriend (at the time) when I told her this didn’t believe me that had happened and I was just saying it to try and save face.
This was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, inside and out. Dropdead gorgeous and has done so much to make me a better person. Just this one issue. She thinks I run from my problems when she doesn’t understand that I’ve actually done above and beyond what anyone could be expected to do. She thinks me defending myself from that accusation is me further hiding.
I’ve been advised to give her space and I will. If she comes back in a week claiming to forgive me I only hope I can be strong enough to say “no, you should not be forgiving me, you should be apologising to me”. 6 months out the door because I did something nice and didn’t think I should be chastised for not being nice enough.
Sorry for the vent. I hate people who write ■■■■ like this on internet forums. But then, I hate myself right now so just seems appropriate.
Listen Zebba, and I will be dead serious for once.
I don’t know how old you are and the experiences you have in life, and I have been far from perfect, but the one thing I am sure of is that you cannot change the past.
First rule of life is to be true to yourself, and if you think you did the right thing and your motives were good, then don’t flog yourself.
Maybe you can get back with this girl if you really want it, and if it happens then great, but if not, move on, as there are some really wonderful people in this world just waiting for you.
I have had two failed marriages and many other relationships, but I found the perfect one for me now. You will too.
I don’t get it. you still love your ex wife, and to prove that you’re gonig to let your boss bone her ? That is essentially the cough logic your gf is using.
tough crowd. as others have said as long as you can sit back at the end of the day and be ok with it and think it’s a good thing, that’s all that matters. Granted at present prolly feeling like ■■■■, but to mine that’s from reasons outside of the good deed you’ve done to begin with.
not to make it worse, however i’d have thought the bigger worry out of all listed in the OP would be if it works out for a little while, then they break up and alot of animosity, which then gets directed at you for helping set them up.
Or I could have just agreed with the fox above.
You did a good thing in helping two people come together and find happiness.
Your ex girlfriend sounds like she has the problem. Maybe she couldn’t handle you having an ex wife - that you had made a commitment to someone else previously.
Anyway hope things work out for you.
Ask the GF to set you up with a friend
Zebba do live in a town with, like, 8 people in it?
Sorry to hear mate.We all interpret situations differently, give her some space and hopefully she’ll figure it out.
Yeah in all honesty I would just give it a week or so, then tentatively hang a line out.
There’s obviously something there that hasn’t properly been worked through that you have sort of walked into. Trying to hammer the point home won’t achieve much right now IMHO but maybe a bit of time and a bit of clear air will help both of you.
Zebba do live in a town with, like, 8 people in it?I used to. She does.
She contacted me this morning. I had to end the call prematurely for an appointment so I’m not sure what she’s after… sigh