Outstanding
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Confession time:
I was cut off in traffic one early morning a few months back and immediately I yelled “Are you a fuckn idiot!?!? ARE YOU!!!??”
And a little voice from the back seat said, “no daddy…I’m not a fuckn idiot”.
Broke my heart. The guilt was so bad I had to confess what I did to my wife. Needless to say, I now drive with a picture of my daughter on my dash to remind me to keep my anger in check while driving. Not easy mind you because the road is full of “fuckn idiots”.
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Good note to self.
Not wrong about that, and not all of them are drivers. Last night a father pushing a pram with his old mother at his side is standing in the middle of the road during peak hour, in the pouring rain at dusk. There is no median strip, they were right in the freaking middle of the road. We all had to stop to get let them off before they all got killed. Morons.
Sorry, not a kids story I know.
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that’s a really good idea.
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Sorry but this is a thread for sunshine & unicorns and lots of pure joy & happy laughter
Please take this to the what annoys you thread
Kindly,
Little Billy, 6 years old
Okay, I know LMW is now too old to be ‘cute’, but this seems the best place to tell this story.
She had an online quiz in class today. Everyone had to sign in and such.
Her friend had the next class, where they did the same thing.
So her friend texted her the log-in, LMW knew all the answers and aced it, heading the leaderboard on the screen because she’d just done the quiz.
And she signed in as Gossip Girl.
Thereby forcing the entire class to ask, ‘Who’s Gossip Girl?’
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I couldn’t stop my 22 month old saying S H I T
It was her main word for everything,
Gradually I’ve changed it to SHUT
But when she drops something and says SHUT - she just sounds like a swearing kiwi.
Bonus is, my wife is a kiwi - so I just Tell everyone it’s her fault!
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We now have a situation where clock and sock are pronounced “■■■■”.
Yet come is pronounced “clum” so go figure
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Friends kids call all spiders ‘f*** spiders’ without batting an eyelid.
See a daddy long legs? That’s a f*** spider in their house.
It all stems from the mum yelling ‘F***! SPIDER!’ When she had the kids in the car one day and a huntsman crawled across the dash.
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Mr 7 had a run in with 4 grade 5 kids after a misunderstanding on their behalf. They were pushing him around and saying random crap. (All sorted out happily in the end). The next day I was alone with him in the car so I asked him how he was and what he thought about it all. I then asked him if he thought of using his taekwondo training. He replied “I did but I didn’t want to hurt them”.
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My 10 year old asked me to AirDrop a photo from my phone to her iPad. I inadvertently pushed the button twice, which duplicated the transfer. Her response? “Don’t you work in IT?”
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Wow you have a very cool kid there
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My son has a few:
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anytime a car does something slightly wrong and we get “grandpa would have sworn at him” and he is always right
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he has developed an up habit so when asking for an apple “don’t forget to core it up mum” or with toast “don’t forget I like a mix up mum” (half jam and half vegemite)
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and recently his prep teacher went on holiday to Broome to ride camels so “what’s a camel dad” and me “it’s a bit like a horse but with humps that you ride on” and then him “is that what mums humps are for?” - very intuitive kid
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My nephew’s name is Ash, and somehow my son’s pronunciation sounds like ‘■■■’.Damn swear filter: a s s. So when they’re playing together, all we hear is ‘■■■, ■■■, ■■■’.
Also, said nephew, 4yo, told his mum the other day that his bottom was talking to him. When she asked him what it was saying, he casually answered: ‘it’s telling me to clean up my room’.
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The hotel I stay at for work always has travel toothbrushes with miniature toothpaste tubes. The kids always ask me to bring them home with me.
Today I found out my daughter has been secretly taking the mini tubes to school and distributing them for other kids to snack on in lieu of having lollies to eat.
Its hardly Barwon Prison, but these kids are out of control.
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next it will be bags of wizz fizz.
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Then they start snorting wizzfizz.
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I had a dentist tell me once that if a kid ate a tube of toothpaste you should call poisons…
Fair enough if it was a big tube. This is just one of those ones that would give you 1-2 brushes with.
On another tangent…Anyone ever seen those shows about people with eating disorders? Seen people eating raw meat, dirty nappies, chalk, hair, Ajax and used cigarette butts. Blegh