Things yer little uns say


One if wife’s friends came around with her two-year-old daughter today to help out. She, like us if very matter of a fact whennit cakes to her children’s anatomies. So her children and ours know the correct terms for everything. Boys have penises and girls have vulvas and vaginas (can can accurately tell you the difference between.

Anyway while she was here our 2-year-old son needed a nappy change and she did it for my wife. But as she was doing it, her two-year-old daughter came over and was horrified and said 'oh no what has happened to his cliforsis?!"


Htold Miss 4 to do something tonight that she didn’t really want to, so her response: “As you command, Captain Poo Face!”

I would have told her off but I was too busy trying not to burst out laughing.


My 7 year old boy was asking us where do babies come from, so the Mrs says the usual thing that he was in her tummy. He then asked again how he could be in her tummy.

The 5 year old sister then pipes up and says “I think Mummy ate too much!”



Speaking to my 4 y.o son yesterday about family. Trying to explain that his grandpa was my dad, and that my grandpa was my dad’s, dad etc.

“Where’s your grandpa now?” he asks.
“Oh, he died a while ago”, I answer.
“Oh”, he responds without pause, “did you get another one?”


My son informs me he wants to sleep in tomorrow, i asked him what time until?

‘Until I get sick of the smell of my own breath.’



You gotta think - where the hell did he come up with that one??


Probably from sleeping in too long

Actually, some of the books kids reads these days are pretty funny, so maybe there


Miss 4 at bedtime: Dad!!! I’m about to fall asleep and that is bad because you have not tickled me yet!!


Miss 5 playing with the honey jar and watching it ooze around inside - “it is like a honey bath, if I was that small I could fit in there I’d be in there all the time”


Our three year old yesterday saw a picture at childcare notifying us that they’re closed on Good Friday/Easter Monday (obviously), with a background of Easter eggs.

Daddy, what are the those eggs?
Those are Easter eggs. Do you know what happens at Easter?
Yes! Chocolate!

I’d kind of love to see the look on my extremely Catholic mother’s face hearing that.


Me: Who’s your favourite player?
Nephew 4: Tippa and Joey!
Me: Why are they your favourite?
Nephew 4: Joey has a moustache and Tippa is the black one…


I’ve just finished trying to fish out ants from a honey jar in my pantry. Think I got them all, but it was touch-n-go for a while. Is your daughter an ant, by any chance?


After getting home from going out to dinner with my mum. Miss 5 “daddy I was really missing you tonight, but then I had ice cream”


Miss 10 describing her dream to us and then says “even in the dream I thought that I must be dreaming because I’m not usually a turantula”


“I know how to wake up mummy, you tickle her in the bottom”


Bet you that wouldn’t go down as well if daddy tried it.


With apologies to practising Christians here (lapsed Catholic myself).

Miss 5 to her friend Mr 4: we’re celebrating easter this weekend.

Mr 4: we’re celebrating Easter too (he’s Jewish)

Miss 5: you have to know what Easter is to celebrate it.

Ivan: really, what is Easter miss 5?

Miss 5: it’s when you go to a friend’s house and have lots of fun and find Easter eggs.

Ivan: you have no idea about what Jesus is do you?

Miss 5: yeah I do

Ivan: what is it?

Miss 5: a naughty word.


She speaks the truth.


Miss 5 went to work with Mrs Ivan today. At one point she had to interrupt mummy on a call to Cape town because she needed to go to the loo. In miss 5’s telling of this event apparently mummy had been on the phone to cake land.