The squad is officially announced (I was not mad and bad of hearing when I heard Bailey Hunt’s name at training two months earlier!) and of course the EFC has to botch it.
Spoiler: very few Ziggy butts were observed.
Finally… ROUND ONE!
We are repeating the game from three weeks back, and unfortunately we do repeat a fair bit of it (early inaccurate start by us, and then Port take over.
Port Melbourne 9.0.54 defeats EFC 0.7.7 (I know, WTF?!?)
I head to training the Thursday before the big stuff starts:
The defending premiers Port bring in 11 changes, including Bella, Fede, Stutt, Williams, and McKellar. Oooooooooooh ■■■■.
We make 9 changes and it’s a real mixed bag (IN MFord + Melnikas, OUT Shaw and McNeice, Morrow AND Scoullar AND Gallagher, plus Sarah Ford as a bridesmaid in Canada). Marshall is then a late OUT, which gives Kyla Tracey her only game of the year (maybe because she starts on Lauren Caruso!)
However, we also get to see (spoiler: she’s a gun!)
No wind, but we lead 0.4.4 to 0.0.0 at quarter time. We are seeing our AFLW junior Chloe Adams debut, and after that first quarter she has 6 disposals and 4 tackles.
Melnikas and Fede slug it out at times (Melknikas wins).
The umps start the procession six minutes into the second quarter, with a dodgy free to Harley 45m out on the boundary. But what a kick (video), and we trail. Then Fede blatantly throws the ball to set up the next goal (same ump to blame both times).
Little Adams goes back to play on (and repeatedly beat) Frew and then Harley. INCONCEIVABLE.
5-12 at halftime. Port should be scoreless. Adams leads everyone with 12 disposals.
I was not happy with another of our AFLW players…
MFord started forward, and had a shocker there before being moved back. That includes Robinson playing forward briefly.
0.6.6 trails 4.0.24 at the final break…
Adams has moved to 18 disposals; next best in the game is on 13.
Yikes, those closing minutes…
Adams was removed in the final quarter, and Mahony ultimately comfortably tops the disposals for both teams with 22 plus 9 clearances and 8 tackles. Between them they also had 7 frees for and 0 against!
For some values of funny I agree:
In the review I praise the pace and composure of debutant Cariss-Brett, and notice that:
Their average player age is 3.04 years more than us.
ROUND 2
EFC 4.11.35 draws Willy 5.5.35 (I know!!!)
IN: M. Busch, S. Ford, A. Gaylor, S. Wales
OUT: T. Crabtree (ankle, 10 weeks), S. Molan (unavailable), C. Prpic (knee, 6 weeks), K. Tracey
EFC, pls:
Sarah Ford is also set to don the sash for the first time
Perkins seen in the dreaded moonboot.
Melnikas kicks her first goal for us, to lead 7-1. It took ten minutes to equal last week’s score!
Wales is dominating, but is creatively finding ways not to kick a goal in this VFLW season.
Little Adams sneaks forward and kicks her first EFC goal from >40m out (video)
There’s no way we don’t win from here, right?
SHUT. UP. to the person below.
4.8.32 we lead 3.3.21 at the final break.
29-13 inside fifty, 12-6 scores. Should be further ahead.
With 7 minutes to go, Eaves goal we trail 33-35.
With 4.5 minutes to go, we trail 34-35.
125 seconds left!
And ALSO…
It was actually six marks, as noted earlier, but the umps said NO.
BFY, TW.
Busch tops the disposals with 25, but I wouldn’t say it was a great game, especially when she was in defence.
Elsewhere, the Cats lose 2-98 to the Hawks and complain online about their lack of experience. Newsflash: we had a lot less than them!
With a scoreline of 4.11 there are plenty to blame… but I’ll put it on a stupid ump:
Coach votes
10 Sharnie Whiting (WIL)
8 Mia Busch (ESS)
3 Ashlea Melnikas (ESS)
3 Ashley Thorneycroft (WIL)
2 Chloe Adams (ESS)
2 India Barker (WIL)
2 Stephanie Wales (ESS)
ROUND 3
EFC 5.10.40 defeat Darebin 1.4.10
Funny thing is the above showed Darebin were on the rise: in 2021 they scored 0.5.5 versus us across two games; 1.1.7 in 2022 (hey, 7 points better than Footscray!); and 1.2.8 in 2023.
Lily Bateman comes in, and never leaves. Porter also debuts for us.
Monique DeMatteeeeeeooooooooooooooooooo is handed a free early, and gets 60% of their game score with it to lead.
This might be the first time I said something nice about Lily. It won’t be the last.
More Melnikas bossing of the game (she has 15 disposals in the first forty minutes):
I can not lie:
In the closing minute of the first half Darebin hit BOTH goal posts, and thus trail 9-19 rather than being tied with us.
Longer run-up than Lillee:
Let’s go ‘round the grounds:
I buried the lead for this round:
Mahony 26 disposals, Wales 25 and 8 marks, Melnikas 22 and 7 clearances
Finally, the winning song!
COACH VOTES
10 Stephanie Wales (ESS)
6 Ruby Mahony (ESS)
4 Ashleigh Van Loon (ESS)
3 Caitlin Bunker (DF)
3 Ange Gogos (DF)
3 Ashlea Melnikas (ESS)
1 El Chaston (ESS
ROUND 4
EFC throw away another win: 3.8.26 loses to the Dog’s 4.4.28
We still only have 4 AFLW players, with 3 rotated out. Footscray at this time have none (but will soon bring in Ellie Blackburn to lay waste to the league for a few weeks).
The home of the Bulldogs said NOPE:
Always a leader:
In water-is-wet news, Nanscawen leads the pack with 9 disposals at quarter time.
The Dog’s AFLW fitness head prefers to hang with Bombers.
Meanwhile, on the field:
The fuller call of that goal goes like this:
G wasn’t dominating the game at halftime, but:
There are some interesting umpiring calls that lead to a three-quarter time score of 2.5.17 trailing 4.2.26
Gough debut goal video.
Oh, FFS.
But cancelled out by:
And then the cancelling is cancelled out:
Inside fifties ended 37-25 our way. Nanscawen finished on 27 disposals. She hit her target running distance in the third quarter and got moved forward/bench for the rest of the game.
Ha, still hedging my bets on Lily:
The EFC report doesn’t know how to spell our player names:
Captain Eloise Chasten was also a strong contributor finishing 19 touches and 3 clearances, whilst young gun Amy Taylor continued her strong form finishing the match with 20 disposals, 4 tackles and 3 clearances.
Coach votes
8 Dominique Carbone (WB)
8 Georgia Nanscawen (ESS)
5 Ashleigh Snow (WB)
3 Amy Gaylor (ESS)
3 Imogen Milford (WB)
2 Mia Busch (ESS)
1 Stephanie Wales (ESS)
ROUND 5
EFC 4.10.34 defeat a similarly lame Saints’ 3.7.25
IN: Bailey Hunt for EFC debut. Fellow ex-AFLW-Dog delivers the jumper.
She’s still a bit underdone; just pop her at FF for the first time in her life and see if she can run out the game…
Hunt did not get reported… this time.
15 minutes in…
That’s the quarter-time score.
The feared Ella Friend (who combined with Dojiok to ruin us in their 2021 junior debuts for Footscray) takes a bad bump to the back/neck. After four minutes she gingerly walks off.
Bloody yobbos can be heard on the far wing.
That score almost perfectly matches the 23-9 inside fifty tally. Neither of us efficient…
I have so much PTSD from certain players:
The Saints close to within 2 points before…
4.8.32 we lead 3.6.24 at the final break.
Hoffy is the under-stated type:
I did have to correct Gemma online after she repeated the untruth in an article and a podcast.
Thought somewhat deeply; how does it help?!?
Coach votes:
8 Charlotte Ryan (SOU)
5 Lily-Rose Williamson (ESS)
4 Emily Gough (ESS)
4 Bailey Hunt (ESS)
3 Amy Gaylor (ESS)
2 Gabriella De Angelis (SOU)
2 Natalie Plane (SOU)
1 El Chaston (ESS)
1 Caitlin Matthews (SOU)
ROUND 6
We have 6 AFLW players (peak for the season so far); they have nine. Elsewhere, Sydney play ONLY AFLW-listed players this round with the ever-so-minor return of their All-Australian ruck in Ally Morphett.
- Emily Tassiopoulos and Matilda Dyke VFLW debuts
- Ellie Huggard EFC VFLW debut
- Chaston reaches 25 games.
My PTSD continues, with Remnos leading disposals with 7 at quarter time. But we lead 18-9.
Pies have looked more dangerous forward; but stats don’t reflect that. We have 60% of the disposals, ~40% of the inside fifties, but we lead 6.1.37 to 3.3.21 at half time. Remnos still leading on 14 disposals.
Lily Pearce (who will shortly be poached by the AFLW Cats) is dominating the hitouts, but Dyke is everywhere and we lead the clearances (Rafdord and Mahony 4, Tassiopoulos and MORCS 4).
to the below, for all three teams mentioned!
The below is correct… just!
MORCS tripled her career time in the midfield. 14 disposals, 5 tackles, 4 clearances, no free for this.
@Aceman cluelessly meets AFLW royalty:
Coach Votes
9 El Chaston (ESS)
7 Ruby Mahony (ESS)
5 Lilly Pearce (COL)
3 Matilda Dyke (ESS)
2 Emily Gough (ESS)
2 Carly Remmos (COL)
1 Kaitlyn Day (COL)
1 Drew Ryan (ESS)
ROUND 7
We “only” have to face 13 AFLW players (no Zarlie Goldsworthy, thankfully) and we take just 2 AFLW players up to The Wet Mess. Our OUTS include five talls (Gamble, Clarke, Gough, Richardson, and Molan).
Archie is at 36% of Sarah’s goals per game this year.
Hurry up, Dani!
Half time it’s 4.8.32 leading 0.0.0…
As we come out for the second half, torrential rain hits.
We start the final quarter with a bench of three: Marnie and Porter are out.
Coach votes:
7 Madison Brazendale (GWS)
7 El Chaston (ESS)
5 Emily Pease (GWS)
4 Tarni Evans (GWS)
3 Alexandra Morcom (ESS)
2 Mikayla Pauga (GWS)
1 Cambridge McCormick (GWS)
1 Haneen Zreika (GWS)
ROUND 8
EFC 10.7.67 defeats our eternal bunnies Casey 4.2.26
We choose not to play our new AFLW top-up Brooke Sheridan, much irking @gorgo.
Morrow reaches 25 VFLW games (13 with Footscray, 12 with us).
Drunk commentary shenanigans:
The around-the-grounds update is much funnier in retrospect, because 1) Norf were ■■■■ back then and 2) Darebin went on to belt FCFC.
After a low-scoring first quarter, we abruptly speed things up!
Video of the start of THE BURST - this includes three of the creative pronunciations of our player names…
I was like the commentator in the video, was sure she’d swung it too far to the leg side.
We snooze to start the second half, conceding the first three goals before Ava gets one back with a 40m dribble kick.
Dyke and Jordan arrange themselves in a non-optimal order:
COACH VOTES
9 Matilda Dyke (ESS) = 5+4
7 Emily Tassiopoulos (ESS) = 5+2
4 Kodi Jacques (ESS) = 4
3 Bailey Hunt (ESS) = 3
3 Alexandra Morcom (ESS) = 3
2 Jo Lin (CD) = 2
1 Ruby Mahony (ESS) = 1
1 Niamh O’Neill (CD) = 1
Huge win, big loss, huge win… oh ■■■■, we’ve reached the first Norf game.
ROUND 9
EFC 0.3.3 concedes victory to… 10.9.69
From left: Cox, Drage, Hobbs
At quarter time, the stats are largely similar (but Norf lead by 16 handballs and 17 points).
That’s the halftime score, with 31 inside fifties apiece. Perkins is on the sidelines this week, and is staring down Roger the Dog.
Barba and Tierney lead their disposals with 13 each… Chaston is busy repelling attacks and has a game-high 17.
Chaston is on 24 disposals at the final break, with Barba 19 and Tierney the next-best.
We have to score: Mahony and Radio 3DJR start forward.
We had 29 inside fifties for 3 points.
Norf had 32 inside fifties for 69 points.
COACH VOTES
North Melbourne 10.9 (69) def Essendon 0.3 (3)
10 Alana Barba (NM)
7 Nyakoat Dojiok (NM)
5 El Chaston (ESS)
4 Madeleine Di Cosmo (NM)
3 Renee Tierney (NM)
1 Kodi Jacques (ESS)
ROUND 10
It’s Sir Doug Nicholls Round:
Five minutes in:
We hold for five more minutes, then strike back.
Perkins, still (spoiler!) a week away from debuting, gives our alternative full-forward advice.
I got just one LIKE for this line 
In that third quarter Port went forward 11 times for 3 points; but we went forward 3 times for 3 goals!
Ashley-Cooper in the midfield has 17 disposals; Mahony is next with 15.
This was Chloe’s best game for the year; played in defence, given a faster opponent, and didn’t give her any space.
Darebin stomp Casey, which locks in the final six teams. No idea why anyone would be worried by Norf.
Port Melbourne 3.9 (27) def by Essendon 6.3 (39)
10 Sophie Molan (ESS)
7 Eloise Ashley-Cooper (PM)
4 Ashlea Melnikas (ESS)
3 El Chaston (ESS)
3 Ava Seton (PM)
2 Ruby Mahony (ESS)
1 Maddison Ford (ESS)
ROUND 11
Hawks are top of the ladder with double our percentage, so we win 6.3.39 to 4.5.29
We’ve played the Hawks more than any other team:
We lead 21-7 at half time.
That’s the three-quarter-time score. That means we can just snooze through the last quarter, right?
Coach votes go secret from this point on.
ROUND 12
EFC 1.4.10 made those AFLW FCFC cheats look pretty bad (4.10.34)
It’s a drab 0-4 score at quarter time.
Video of the perfect set shot and a crowd that hates cheats is here.
10-16 at the final break.
Sherar has 18 disposals for them; MFord and Mahony have 19 for us.
Stupid good Norf.
They had many more handballs, we had many more marks, everything else was pretty equal.
MFord has 22 disposals, 9 marks, and many mentions on commentary regarding her green boots. DRINK!
ROUND 13
I was confident going into this game:
It’s a drab first quarter; that picture looked pretty, but the grass was very wet – we trail 0-7.
We lead inside fifties 18-11, more kicks, twice as many handballs, twice as many marks… and we are very ineffectual.
At the final break we trail 1.3.9 to 4.4.28
This was worse than kicking 4.11 versus them in round two.
ROUND 14
EFC get the bye in the last round and win 10.4.64 - 2.3.15
In going through this review, I made the possible link between the over-extension of her knee in round 10 (looked horrendous) and the following month:
And this is presumably when Manfre said “I’m going to the AIS next weekend, and then to Finland for the Flag Footy World Championship, and I’ve got a scholarship to study in the USA, and watch out for me in the 2028 Olympic Games”.
A brief pause to mention the photographers, including:
Da boss, Gallivant (LINK):
AFLWVFLWPhotos (LINK):
Nigel Barrie (LINK):
Apologies for the days you only had Radio 3DJR and the (this year, pretty good on game day) EFC social media gal!
ELIMINATION FINAL
Perkins 2.1.13 + EFC 0.0.0 defeated by Norf 12.4.76
In the league stat leaders, Norf have Di Cosmo, Barba, Tierney, Dojiok, Hales, Rhodes, and Reynolds. We have Mahony, MFord, Chaston, and Morrow.
Bailey Hunt reaches (just) 25 VFLW games. Had been busy being the first ever AFLW Rising Star nomination and playing 44 AFLW games.
Here is Da Boss:
Nek minute… and the below is the quarter-time score.
Not trying to pick on her, but it was REALLY unusual:
The above score is from 12 inside fifties each!
That was her 100th, and final, VFLW goal.
Norf 28 entries for 16 scores and 76 points
EFC 24 entries for 3 scores and 13 points
(for both the above and the below)
Here’s my rant on the second-quarter umpiring: it wasn’t why we lost, but it 100% ensured there would be no comeback:
Hard to find bests, especially when any accumulation by the mids was very much out-weighted by their opponents.
BEST: Morrow, Perkins, Hunt, Chaston, and maybe not best but respect for Bateman and Orritt.
The “media gal” towers over the team!
Perkins retires:
That’ll do for now. Team and league B&Fs incoming…